Thursday, November 24, 2005
The battle between the mind and the heart
This is why I would really love to get my hands on that posioned apple Sleeping Beauty bit into, or the needle Princess Aurora pricked her finger with. So that I can rest in slumber for all the rest of my days. Now, I'm not saying I'm suicidal. It's not like that. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. Simple as that. And not like it's possible. So that my mind and heart don't have to struggle so much with each other. Sure, I still dream when I sleep but it's not so bad as the agony of being conscious and aware of the situation I'm in.
My heart won't let my mind accept alot of the things I should be accepting. It's still in denial of the obvious. Maybe because I expected too much out of The Past. Maybe because I don't want to hurt anybody. But deep down, I know the truth and sometimes, it even threatens to wade through the thickness of my emotions to slap me in the face.
You know what, sometimes I just wish it would. Because then I know that it wouldn't hurt so much.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
FHM Girls Next Door Party
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Thursday, November 10, 2005
Kwento kwento lang
Let's talk about something happy (or atleast different from the usual rant) for a change. It's Ro's birthday today so it really is cause for a celebration.
Mama Jo and Cris came over yesterday and we all got another tat together. I missed Mama Jo alot and it was good spending time with Cris..just getting to know her. I loved that I could hang out with them and not have to have *** in common. I told them that it is my goal to be able to hang out with them one day without ***'* name being brought up.
I love my new tat! Thank you Joji! For sketching it for me. And J-Ann, for providing the peg. :)
Took the Seventeen Favorite Model Search finalists on a guesting today. I miss being that young. Just getting into the groove of things, transition from laid back high school into the seriousness of college. Being perplexed about the opposite sex and still hoping that one day, they'll eventually be able to understand boys. Wait until they reach the stage when they just give up realize that there is no understanding boys.
Saw someone last night. I think it's starting to become awfully obvious that I'm into YOU (for those who are updated with my life, this is a different YOU from the YOU I was talking about in previous entries). I barely spoke a peep and I couldn't even look at YOU to save my life. Uh-oh. Clear indication that this is starting to become more than a little crush. I thought Baller Boy was lamang (well, okay, he still is) until M. told me something about YOU. A conversation she overheard about YOU. And it's so perfect. My kinda guy. Hmmm...turning over a new leaf 'ey? But, there's still ****, but that's just a "cras". Oh...oooookaaaay...this is sounding too much like a giggly high school girl's diary.
I was just thinking about how comfortable I've become talking to some of the editors here at Summit and I'm rather pleased with myself. I'm such an anti-social girl that I can barely barely even force myself to engage in small talk with people. And here I am. PR Associate for Summit Media. I'm still not good at small talk, but I've gone a loooong way since my loner days.
Trust issues. I've reached that stage when my list of people I can't trust is getting longer. They're mostly so-called friends. All of sudden, I'm doubting people's motives, actions, intentions. I haven't felt this in the longest time. I actually feel like I'm back in second year college - one of the most turbulent periods of my life.
I dreamt of Brandon the other night. I dreamt he had forgiven me and wanted to start corresponding again. It was such a relief to have felt that forgiveness. Unfortunately it was just a dream. I was so disappointed when I woke up. Someday, I hope he'll be able to really forgive me. As I hope I'll be able to forgive ***.
FHM Party tonight. That means more photos to upload. :)
Shout out to Ro! Happy happy birthday to you best friend! Mwah! Hugs!
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